Fear of…

By , August 25, 2009
Work is interesting and life is good. I’m ticking off tasks, enjoying the activities of finding solutions to problems, making things happen, writing, and editing. I finish the work, send the files, email the invoices, mail the CDs, and I’m on to my next task. And then there are those days when I just can’t push the publish/send/share buttons? What brings on the days when I can’t move forward? I’m getting to it. But, let me share another hesitation. Once jobs are complete, life is not over. It’s time to ask for what else I want. Time to ask for more work. But I don’t. I search out the prime jobs for me, write the cover letter and resume, and review my writing. And again, I don’t send via email or snail mail. Why? It’s not my work. I have had enough successes to understand that I do a better than fair job in most instances. It’s not the type of work I do, since I try to stick with doing the work I like. I have come to understand my hesitations are out of FEAR.

So, What is it I Fear?

People give feedback to let me know that my work is satisfactory. They return to ask for more, further indicating that my work is good. And, I can’t believe that most of them are lying and just eager to send me money. So I’m forced to conclude that I must be getting something right according to others and not just according to myself. Once, I heard this phrase and thought, “How strange!” It came to me again one day when I was working out why I hesitate to push the buttons to release my work, or ask for more work. And to my great surprise, I fit the criteria. I had THE FEAR—Fear of Success! How could anyone be afraid of getting what they asked for? How could I be one of them? Well, first, it turns out I’m not alone in living out this conundrum. And, second, I really don’t know how the fear becomes so viscous as to inhibit my forward movement. Only, I know that it can. Probably, that saying “Be careful what you ask for, you just might get it” gets corrupted and virally runs amuck smashing dreams and confidence, suffocating courage. Close, but a tangent none the less. I’m back on track.

What do You do About It?

For my part, I continue. I have recognized it and named it. “Fear of a name only increases fear of the thing itself!” Remember when Hermione spat that out at Lucius Malfoy? That was in Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. I don’t know if that relationship is true—fearing the name increases the fear of the thing itself—but it sounded great! It’s not the word success I sometimes fear, but all that comes with success. The stuff I ask for, like and want. The work, the responsibility, the pleasure of doing a job. What if I get it!? My answer must be, “Well then great!” It’s how I continue. I face it, name it, and “Keep moving forward!” That’s from Meet the Robinsons. (I guess it’s movie night.) Who has this problem!? Certainly only me, right? No. That’s not right. The fact is, there are many people who suffer from it, many who have overcome it, and those who have written books about it. I didn’t read a book, yet. However, I did read about it on the web (of course), and prayed about it. I sucked it up, and waded forward through the dank, muck, to the other side, where there were flowers and trees and a lovely brook, rainbows and— Well, you get the picture. Failure is a scary proposition. And so is success. Since I have to face down one or the other, I choose to face down and move through to the other side where success is. You may be saying that it’s not an either/or situation, that there’s a middle ground called status quo. It’s a choice, but I don’t want to live there. If you think you might be suffering from fear of success, look it up and face it down. Ultimately, the only solution you have is to choose to move forward. Do you ever get afraid that you will be successful, that you will be in demand too great to keep up with? What is it about success that scares you? Further reading: Handling Fear of Success How Fear of Success Works The Fear of Success

Leave a Reply

OfficeFolders theme by Themocracy